I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
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Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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