Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
foreskin is a definite game changer
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
