I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
