Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
