Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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