He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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