ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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