Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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