I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I checked into jail on foursquare
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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