I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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