seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
