i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
