Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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