I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
