I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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