I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
