you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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