I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
