i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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