So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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