my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
