I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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