Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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