she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
