garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
