The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
