Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
im holly from the hills drunk
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
