I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
