another moral hangover. fuck.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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