God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
