a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
