Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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