Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Are my feet made of real feet?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
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