I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
