Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
