how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
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Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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