Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
