That's intense
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
