They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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