hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
