Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
