Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
