I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
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I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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