and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
