my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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