I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
