Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize