I think I am morally bankrupt
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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