I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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