My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He passed out mid-signature
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
