It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's never too late to be topless.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
