do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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