You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
