And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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