well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
