Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
