Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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