Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
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The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
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ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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