her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
