my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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