apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They took my balls.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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