we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
