She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize